Department:
I wonder if Christian wives are generally unable, or just summarily unwilling to see their husbands' situation from his own point of view.
The Word of God has not charged the wife with the responsibility of providing for her family, saying that she is worse than an unbeliever if she fails or lacks diligence. Wives don't wake up each morning with that burden placed upon them by God Almighty.
God has not said to them, "Love your husband, as Christ Loved the church, laying down His life for her."
One thing I know God never said was, "Husbands, communicate with your wives to the exacting standards which they set forth; e.g., tell them everything you think or know, if that's what they desire." There simply is no scripture for this.
See, I'm trying my best to live according to God's mandates, and that often involves the sorting out and eschewing of the many societal values and mores which either run contrary to God's will and purpose, or which simply would interpose themselves as distractions, keeping my mind enslaved to someone else's whim or preference.
And one of these societally-imposed ethics is this:
"In a good marriage, the husband and wife share their thoughts and aspirations. Therefore, if one does not share, then the marriage is at risk."
This is a bogus assertion which is easily disemboweled by the most basic thread of logic. Nonetheless, it persists, and it is used (mostly, I believe, by women) to illicitly claim lordship where it should in no wise rightfully be granted.
But let me say this:
My wife's own whims and preferences, I will gladly consider, as a means of securing her own happiness!
But if a wife's whim or preference comes as a stated overriding principle, having application in myriad other circumstances, I find I must object, on the basis that this principle is not scripturally derived, and thus likely serves only to undermine not only the husband's authority (which is a prerequisite to his execution of the task(s) which God has put before him), but the general health of the marriage as well.
In other words, if my wife says, "I love it when you remember our anniversary, and bring me flowers and a gift." I will gladly do my damnedest to remember, and bring!
But when someone says, "You know, a good husband is one who remembers his anniversary. Otherwise, he's not a good husband." Now I am repulsed, and if directed toward me, I furthermore resent the accusation, for who knows what other things I might have planned or done while forgetting this one thing? Clearly no one does, because I'm a man, and I don't post my inner thought life on facebook, like every good millennial wormboy would.
So when a wife believes she should be allowed to criticize her husband's behavior or character freely, I object. When a wife believes that her husband should always take her advice, I object. (I mean, seriously… look where that got Adam). And, to go to the more touchy-feely side, when someone advises me that, "Marriage is a two-way street, you know," I object! No! Marriage is a one-way street in which both partners are going the same way! Otherwise, you will never end up at your desired destination together.
Christian wives today are failing, en-masse, to embrace the scriptural mandates which would dictate and temper their own behavior. And society at large is congratulating them every step of the way.
Our society is a godless one. Women who give ear to its call to modern womanhood, which is now summarily steeped in feminist rhetoric, do so to their own peril, and they doom their own marriages in the process.
Even from the most basic, human perspective, they have ignored the primal needs of the man, and they have furthermore cast aside in total disregard any benefits an even worldly man might provide to them—to say nothing of the man who aspires to godliness and authentic manhood.
Furthermore, whereas the Christian wife should be finding her place in scripture, and in her marriage relationship, she is more likely subscribing to some set of ethics or moral criteria passed down to her by her family, by society, or in the worst case, by her emotional imperatives of the moment.
This, I believe, is where the concept of godly self-control manifests itself most profoundly for the women. For let us make no mistake here: men and women are two different "animals." The two are not the same.
Let's not be naive about this. For the boys and the men, the issue of self-control centers mainly around the issue of constraining the lust of the eyes. But for the girls and the women, it's something different. I believe it has more to do with control. These are just my own observations, nothing more. So write me off as a chauvinist, a heretic, whatever if you please. I don't care.
Your observations might differ, but in my observation, women want to control everything men are doing. And of course, some men do too...but those are the men who aren't real men, who derive their authority from a women-centric world view, either individually, or from the collective. Canada's Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, proudly proclaims that he is a feminist. Poor guy. He doesn't realize that he's a putz for saying that. But I digress.
I don't have to be a feminist in order to stand up for women's rights (which I find a worthy cause). Trust me...the reason Justin makes such a proclamation is purely politically motivated. He obviously is largely uneducated, having not bothered to actually read and study the writings of the world's leading feminists, which are fanatical at best, and totally destructive at least. But I further digress…
What I believe Christian wives need to hear and to heed today is simply this: Modern society is telling you a lie. All you have to do is square the modern rhetoric with scripture, and you will very quickly find a clear and present cognitive dissonance. Either scripture is irrelevant, or society is wrong. You must decide! Stop toying with the dischord, and embrace whichever "truth" you choose.
Ladies, I challenge you! Decide today! Either stand up in defiance of the scriptural model, or acquiesce. Will you follow Christ's example of humility? Will you even submit yourselves to your husbands?!?
At least be truthful and forthright. If you cannot submit to your husband, then I challenge you to stand up in church next Sunday and proclaim your own autonomy. If you don't do this, then you are a snake in the grass. You are slinking around, getting your own way whenever you can, by whatever means necessary. You are two-faced, subversive, an agent of destruction. For who knows at which point you might strike, exacting the toll of your venomous bite?
You see, I do not pretend to underestimate or devalue the power of the woman! She has the will and the means to either elevate her man to greatness, or to subjugate him to quiet servitude and disgrace. You can read his status in his demeanor, and you can tell a lot about his wife by that same reading.
Sadly, however, the "great men of society" cannot be gauged by the quality of their wives, because they are sociopaths, hence they give no regard to their wives' happiness. Fortunately, however, for most wives, your husband is not a "great man" in society. Thus my entreaty remains: Will you submit to him—not necessarily in all ways, but in some small way?
If you do, please watch carefully to see what kind of greatness in him the Lord might unleash. You will probably be astonished.
Epilogue
Now I must ask: Where are the preachers? Why haven't I heard serious preaching on this? Where is the message:
Men! Are you relying on your wife's income to support your family's lifestyle? If so, then get off your butt, show some hussle, hit the street if necessary, get a second or third job; set up a side-hussle; do whatever it takes to be the man, and provide! —or is meeting your wife's lifestyle requirements literally impossible, given your exhausted resources? Is she insistent and impossible to please?
Then Women! Repent of your endless demands for more. Stop subjugating your husband to subservience, while feigning the desire for better leadership. Instead, find your place in God's model for marriage. Or do you think that you earn what you receive? You should remind yourself that all good gifts and provision come from God, and that scripture clearly defines the parameters whereby His provision is imparted unto yourself. Are you in need? Then take that up with God, your provider. Then, encourage your husband, rather than enslaving him.
But for whatever reason, I don't hear this preaching anywhere. I suppose that the "Love and Respect" message comes closest, but I fear that much of it gets lost or diluted by our overarching, ubiquitous overcast of feminist thinking that has so overshadowed our society.