It's Just a Joke

I guess it might be kinda evil of me to be entertained by the responses I sometimes get from those who don't understand that I am joking. I figured out when I was young that getting someone all up in a tizzy over something I think is trivial or worth little consideration is not noble behavior. Still, I love a good laugh, so in the interest of not enjoying it at the expense of another, you have been notified that nothing here is meant to be taken with anything more than a grain of salt...

Dense and Denser

The endless clanging of dishes being stacked in the back room permeated the atmosphere as pungently as the second-hand cloud wafting over from the solitary old man's cigarette two tables away. The afternoon sun beamed in through the dis-shevelled, dust-encrusted slats of the venetian blinds. Watching the blades of sunlight slice through the smoke, Blake thought to himself how eerily similar this was to a Great White concert as he finished his Yi-Shang Beef and Chow Mein. 

How I Met my Friend, Garry

The stinging chill of the night air cut through my alpaca wind breaker like a Frenchman on a mo-ped in rush hour traffic as I reached for another fag. The distant, muted cacophony of the surf beyond the jetty, the pungent fragrance of the tailings of yesterday's catch, and the oddly diffuse brilliance of a full moon peering down through a meandering marine layer all conspired to set the mood—a doleful, introspective kind of mood.

indecision

What is it about indecisiveness that I hate so much?

It's not that it uses up time (though the older I get, the less patience I have). No, I think it's because of the complications it adds to life.  There are two basic types of indecision that drive me crazy, and they both center around stuff that just doesn't matter that much. The two scenarios can be exemplified as follows:

How to Do Your Part to Fight Global Warming

I've been reading a lot on Global Warming, so I'm pretty much of an expert on the subject now, especially having studied a lot of science and stuff in school.  For instance, I've taken classes in Natural Science, Social Science, Political Science - you name it; I've probably had a science class about it.  So when it comes to science, I think it's fair to say I pretty much run with the best, and if you care to read much of the literature out there, you'll find that most of my peers are pretty much in agreement with my conclusions.  So

Hard Times, Indeed!

Wow.  The economy is so bad!  Minimum wage hasn't gone up for over six months, now.  Your typical high-school kid has to work nearly all summer -full time, even - just to be able to buy one quad or dirt bike!  All three of my cars are over five years old now, and I'm gonna have to sell two, just to buy one new one!  I mean, it's like we're suddenly thrust back into the dark ages or something.  It's like it's 1973 or something!

Food Quality Linked to School Violence

The monumental moronity of our governmental leaders never fails to amaze me.  Our government, on every level, just has this uncanny knack for coming up with entirely stupid and useless ways of measuring and rewarding performance.  What is it about people given administrative power without having earned it through performance or personal risk, who have instead had it granted to them by popular vote or by appointment?&nb